Oksana

Greetings to you from Ukraine, Dear Francois!

I  am thankful to you for your letters and for your being so open with
me.  I  appreciate  it  a  lot  that  you  send  me  so  emotional and
trustworthy  letters.  I  am  so sorry there was a short delay with my
reply.  But  you  know I am in a bad position for this time. May be it
seems  to  you  like  a game, but I am not joking, every time when you
send  me your letter I need to pay almost $5 to get it translated from
you  into  Russian language. Unfortunately this translation service is
not  for free here, because it is a company where they provide clients
with  professional  translation  service.  Sorry, but I was tight with
money  after  the  holiday  and it was the main reason why I could not
send  you  my answer in time. I still try to scrape up together all my
last  savings  to  pay for our correspondence, but I think that soon I
will not be able to do it any more. Now, when we have such a difficult
situation  in  Ukraine  I have lost most of my clients, so I am almost
without  work  now,  Francois.  I  am ashamed to confess you about it,
because  I  hate to complain. I still try to be strong and not to give
way  to despair, but I have to be honest with me. I do my best to keep
in  touch  with  you  now,  but  I  am  not sure how it will be for me
tomorrow  or the day after tomorrow.... You made me smile a little bit
when  you  proposed  me to use a free google translators. It seems you
forgot  that  I  have no computer at home. I do understand that may be
there  in  your  country  you  have  another progress and may be there
almost  all people have their own computers and they can use all those
comfortable  services  but unfortunately here in Ukraine it is not the
same  and  only  30 per cents of our citizens have their own computers
and  unfortunately  I am not in their list. Any way I wish you to know
that  I have already asked my friends to help me to use those free web
sites  where  it  would  be possible for me to translate in Russian or
English language for free. But these mechanical and google translators
are  not  very  good.  If you wish you can make a little test, you can
write  short  message  in English or French, then you can translate it
into Russian or Ukrainian language, but when you do it back like this,
I  mean  that  you  need  to  translate  the  same letter from Russian
language  into  English  language,  for  example and you will see that
there  is  such a big mess in both of these variants.... I am not sure
that it is a good idea to use such kind of translator, because we will
have  lots  of  misunderstandings in our letters and it can have a bad
effect on our relations. Don't you think so? I still hope that we will
find  the way to solve this problem somehow... I wish you to know that
my  native  language  is  Ukrainian,  but  here in the eastern part of
Ukraine  we speak Russian language. Of course, I am not a teenager and
I  do realize that it is essential for me to learn foreign language if
I  wish  to  start  serious long-term relations with a man who live in
another  country.  But  it is just the matter of time, I hope for your
understanding, Francois.
It  seems you have been always so understanding to me. So, if I did or
said  something wrong, just let me know. I did not wish to hurt you...
I  do  understand  that  it was sad for you to see your mail box empty
yesterday  when  I  could not pay for the translation of my letter for
you...  Sorry....  I  missed  you much too... Believe me, I do know it
very  well  how it is to stay alone with these four cold walls in your
apartment.  I  appreciate it a lot, Francois that you tell me honestly
now what is going on inside you. I am so deeply touched that you write
me  so  emotional  letters.  I  do agree with you that letters can not
replace  the  communication  in reality. I do have a great wish to see
you  in  real  life,  Francois,  but I am not sure that you will be so
brave to come to me now when there is such a lots of blood shed on the
territory  of Ukraine. :( Any way you are welcome, I will be more than
happy to meet you here. I do understand your position and respect it a
lot.  It  is  also of great importance for me to to realize our dream,
our  desire,  you  are right we should all be carefully planned. It is
strange  for me that you let your survival instinct slow you down when
your  heart  is beating faster for me now. It seems I have never given
you  any  reason  to think bad about me. I would never do anything bad
for  you,  Francois, so there is no any reason for you to be so scared
about your coming to the East now. You know I think that fears destroy
lots  of  good and positive things in our life, so it is better to get
rid  of  all fears. It is very important for me to let you trust me. I
don't  know  what  I should do, but it seems I have already proved you
that  I  am  serious  about  you.  I  have  paid my last money for the
translation  of  our  letters,  because  I did not wish to lose you. I
still  try  to  do my best to keep in touch with you and again I don't
ask  you  for  help.  I  think  it  is  up  to  you what to do in this
situation.
I  understand that for this time you have also a very difficult period
in  your  life, Francois and for you it is not so easy psychologically
with  your  mother  who  is very ill. I am so sorry that she gives you
such  a  lot  of  troubles,  I  pray she will be better and it will be
possible for you to breathe a sigh of relief.
My  darling,  you  have  told  me in your second letter today that our
correspondence means a lot for you, so please, explain me what we will
do  when  I  have no funds any more to pay for the translation service
that   I   still   for   our   communication.   Sorry,  for  my  being
straightforward. Francois, since for me it is almost impossible to pay
for  the letters and since I understand that my wallet is almost empty
and  for me it sounds like a catastrophe as I hate to think that after
it  I  will loose our connection... so I would like to ask you to care
at  least  about  $50  until  we decide what to do then and how to act
then...  I  know  that we can discuss everything, but we simply should
not  loose  this  connection right now. If we pay $50 it means that we
will have per letter plan - the one letter translation costs $5, so it
will  be  enough  for us for some time. Will it be ok? I just pray for
your  "yes!" as otherwise I do not know what to do then... I hope that
you  will stretch us your helping hand as our relations need it for so
much! I do not wish you to think that everything that I told you about
is that translation agency. I tell you about it right now only because
I  understand  how critical situation is. For example if we do not pay
it  means  that  we  will  never be able to make our other dreams come
true... Francois, I feel that like me you do not wish us to loose what
we have already built. I do hope that it will happen, it seems that it
is  the only one wish that I have - I will try to care about myself by
myself,  but  please,  care  about  us  and  our  relations as soon as
possible.. I use the last source for it and it is almost used...
I  do  think  about  you every minute, I have not felt like this for a
long time, but now I am like a teenager who is in love.... I am like a
silly girl who is ready to give all just to be happy and to love. Yes,
you  are  right,  it is rather strange feeling, but it is so wonderful
that  we  are  so  familiar and we have such a lot of common with you,
Francois. I think it is a very good sign, I do always write you all my
letters  from  my  heart,  I write what I feel. I have nothing to hide
from  you,  darling. I do agree with you that distance is not the best
friend  for  us  in this situation. I believe in love on the distance,
but as for me I prefer to be close to my partner, I wish to be next to
you,  to feel your smell, to touch your hand, to kiss you lips, to hug
you and wish you "Good night" when we go to bed together, these simple
but  very  romantic  things  are  also  of  great  importance  for me,
Francois. It is so touching for me and exciting that you feel like you
are  again  16  years.  I  am so deeply touched to hear that I am your
first  love.  Darling, it is amazing that we have found each other, so
now  it  is important for us not to lose each other. I still hope that
you  will  help  us  to  stay  together. I hope that you will have the
chance  to  write back to me with your news tomorrow, I shall wait for
it  impatiently...  Always  remember  that  I'm  thinking  about  you,
worrying  about  you and sending you my light and love to you there. I
wish  you  a  blessed  rest of the week ahead. I miss you and send you
millions of kisses. Take care, Francois...

with all my Ukrainian heart,
your anxious woman in love Oksana.

P.S.  Francois,  I  have  got  a strange letter from you today, it was
written  to  you  by  some Ekaterina. Can you explain me? What does it
mean? Who is this lady who sent you such a warm loving letter? It made
me feel so jealous.... :( sorry.... But I wished me to be the only one
woman  for  you.  I  am one man woman, so it is important for me to be
faithful and devoted in relations.